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December 2004

281204 1232GMT 


charles dicken's story of social mobility and human nature delves into so many different timeless concepts. his writing explores the motivation behind a poor boy's desire to achieve greatness as well as the implications of attaining one's ambitions. 

"we are who we are, people never change"

when i first saw Alfonso Cuarón's Great Expectations, i was about 15. watching it again tonight was like a revisit to a familiar restaurant. the themes, the soundtrack, and the imagery it stirred in my head, i tasted them again not just to relive the flavour, but to see how much of me has changed between then and now. 

between then and now what were my dreams, what have i achieved, who were my inspirations, why and when and how have i changed?

sometimes i think, deep inside, it will be always be the same voice i hear, that same boy who thinks too much, always coming up with different questions, for the same reasons. no matter how i old i get, how much i've seen of the world, my eyes will still glaze over with ideals and naive romanticism. i will always be torn between that and everything else i have been groomed to be- practical, rational, logical...

update: new christmas eve photoset

271204 1653GMT 


only found out the extent of the damage to malaysia today. as of yesterday, the news here had us believe malaysia only sustained 6 casualties. managed to surf thestaronline today and kat and i were remembering our penang holiday in summer- now the marketplace, tanjungbungah, feringghi all in rubble. we all know it could've been alot worse, but still... whoa. devastation.

bahir- jay just told us you're in bali - if you read this- holler back man. seriously. 

we all prayed for peace ON earth for christmas, but i guess we should've included peace BELOW earth as well.

261204 1653GMT 

so this is was christmas

christmas came and went pretty fast. i feel like i've been asleep for days, which is odd because this really is my favourite festive season. maybe it's because i got all my shopping done early. maybe it's because i've been staying away from alcohol since that house warming party 2 weeks ago (the aftermath of which is still pretty scary when i think about it). or maybe (and most probably) because this year, all i really wanted for christmas is for terminal illnesses not to be so damn terminal. 

now that i've touched on that subject, i might as well update everyone/anyone who cares- he's been in good spirits lately after another bout of depression and he'll be starting chemo-therapy soon to prolong what little time he has left. 

christmas was good. had the traditional christmas eve dinner at Eagle street, with duck instead of turkey and watched the Incredibles (really liked it but it felt more like an extended cartoon show rather than animated movie epic). christmas day, we had the usual do at GloucesterTerrace, this time with the whole works- turkey, crackers, pudding, mincepies (butterbrandy is orgasma-licious and you can get pretty close to high on that stuff) and more presents. this year's loot included- a sweater, spinal tap dvd, sunglasses, chocs and virgin megastore voucher.

seriously stuffed on food but entirely too sober for my own good, boxing day is such a good idea (did anyone catch the Simpson's alternative x-mas message?) for recuperation. the whole of London's out cashing in on sales but i'm giving it a miss this year. henceforth (or at least until the new year) i will exercise zero purchasing power. 

with the hog-heaven weekend barely over, i watched the news today and saw the breaking stories about the tsunamis and the 5th largest quake in recorded history. stupid anchormen panicked me a little by mentioning malaysia as one of the countries hit. for a minute there it felt as if some sort of armageddon type thing was starting-(it being the day after christmas and all). 

for some reason all the beeb focused on seemed to be phuket and phiphi island and a little bit about the maldives and srilanka. but how come (initially at least) no one seemed to have any coverage on indonesian casualties?

am surprised this turned out to be a long post. i've been reluctant to blog recently, not sure why. the collection of entries i've accumulated this year, the good ones and the bad ones seem a little overwhelming now. i've taken thisguysplace through too many conceptual shifts- even i'm not sure what kind of blog this is turning into. how's it been for you so far?

221204  1227GMT 

wet winter whinging

i don't even know how where to begin. as some of you were aware, i escaped home for a week. and now the week is over. flew by in a flurry of shopping, breakfasts, emotional talks, silences, mushy moments and puppy spoiling. 

the after effects of the trip are still around- i still feel rushed and playing against time, even though i'm back in the (relatively) slow motion of London life. have caught up on sleep but paid the price with weird dreams invading my head. everything's slightly skewed, i'm not sure why. i can't wait for the new year. december's been a tim burton-esque dream sequence. 

it's been weird not blogging, even though it's been just a little over a week, but i've been unplugged the only digital record of the places i've been and things i've done are in my photo folders. will upload later. i'll have limited internet access until school reopens in january, but keep stopping by to check for updates. how've you all been ?

merry christmas

101204  1753GMT 

red to green

you get through the week thinking you're doing all that needs to be done and then, come friday you're sat down in front of a screen and thoughts flood in about how little you've actually achieved. dissatisfaction drives me but fridays slow me down. 

life is weird. when i say that it normally means that i'm confused.

i could describe it to you, but then you'd just think i was crazy. ever had one of these days? 

oh and someone actually did it again (i'm not sure if one of you regular visitors did it for a laugh) but someone got referred to thisguysplace by googling "anuar zain gay pictures".

life is weird

061204  0014GMT 

guestbook plug

i don't know if anyone actually noticed, but the guestbook here has been out of commission for a couple of months due to spammers. i've finally set up a new guestbook. do take the hint and go write a few lines there.

i'm not sure why it's important at all, not like it'll help me get shagged more often or anything, but it's nice to have a record of people who regularly check in here and it's good to know i do have regular guests (and not just people stumbling onto this site because they googled "Irreversible+monica+bellucci+rape+scene" - trust me- i've got at least a few dozen hits just for that. some of the weirder referrals have come from people searching for "gay Anuar Zain pictures" and "lesbian sex scenes"... go figure). 

so ok, i might be on hiatus for awhile. when i check in again i better find my guestbook like overflowing with praise and seriously, anything's better than penis enlargement ads. 

more festive season stuff -beer drinker's guide (so handy you'll want to print it out and keep it in your wallet).

random request of the month- does anyone have any Robotech books or links to Robotech sites?

021204  1800GMT 

"so this is christmas..."

whoa i've just heard the previews of musiccanteen's christmas album, featuring all local acts- Jason Lo, Shelley Leong, Pete Teo, etc. The production quality is EXcellent! really. i haven't been to church in a while, but if you know me well, you'll know i absolutely love christmas carols. it's like my first real exposure to music, when i was 3 years old and tagging along with my sisters to sing carols in strangers' houses, then moving along to playing the tambourine and eyeing the guitarists.

anyway- since so many of you tried out the shirt folding thing, go visit the musiccanteen site- and pick your favourite carol. mine is drummer boy, but the version on this album (although superbly recorded) is not really to my liking. 

i really liked pete teo's and singletrackmind on HappyXmas (war is over) tho. and i've never been a big fan of dragon red, but check out their version of Rudolph Red. awesome. 

i think the most interesting thing about the album is how some of the artistes involved sound pretty bad on their demos/debut albums, but come off sounding so good here. production matters. really.  

011204   0107GMT 

"...all alot of oysters but no pearls"

i've been caught off guard by the changing of months this whole year, but not this time. december is most welcome. nevermind the cold and frosty mornings. nevermind the weather making you laugh a little slower, talk a little lower, because maybe, just maybe next year will be better than the last.

this year has been mostly shite for me. i can't blame anyone or anything. all i can do is keep my eyes on the horizon but even that is not an extremely pretty picture. next year i will see a loved one fade out of my life. next year big decisions will be made. and i hate big decisions. 

all i can really hope for is redemption and what could potentially be the best summer of my life (crosses fingers). 

Another World Aids Day passes us by and we hardly bat an eyelid but it's going to be our generation that has to fight this war. to fight a virus, we have to behave like one. spread awareness, compassion and hope, or we'll never see the end of this. 


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