noted

things i've found myself saying out loud while taking a crap

intro: i will try to make this article as un-graphic as possible.

i think aside from orgasms, one of the greatest experiences an average dude can achieve is having a nice crap- consisting of smooth stools which slide easily, enough loo roll, a clean spacious throne and a bountiful load. now, for some reason, this is a not too frequent occasion in my life as i think i've inherited a genetic anomaly which makes my bowel movements erratic and not too pleasant- (with stool consistency dependent on if i eat too much chocolate, curry and/or too little ripe papaya). so, with this rough background on my ... issues sorted out, without further ado, these are a few of the things i've found myself saying out loud while taking a crap.

# that's it... that's it... slide and go meet the ocean...
# f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck
# please please please please please please please
# woohoo
# that's a good boy
# tp tp tp for mebungholeee
# no no no no no no no no no
# yesssss
# f*ck george bush... (for some reason there's always an open Economist magazine lying around the loo)
# that's enough... that's enough ! ... enough ?
# poor me poor me
# ... is that all ???
# why me ?

what about you ?

2004